America

America I still cry for you

For your shame

For the things you don’t know

Or care to know

I cried when I left you

I miss your sweet innocence

Your immigrant dream

My father’s vision

Melted away

Burned hands and soiled clothes

He worked so hard to stay your friend

Yet he couldn’t make it

He could not sleep

And so I slept next to him

He prayed for me to remain

He hoped I would be a part of you

Accepted, neglected

A valued member of you

I wish things were different

I wish you understood

That things aren’t so simple

And people need encouragement

The New Age may have landed

You may be on a higher road today

This day may be the beginning

Of the end of your shelter

Angels come in small and big packaging.  January 9^th, 2009, one year to the date since my father’s life on this earth came to an end - and a little messenger came my way.  We were in the desert resting and having a picnic with friends, and along comes this little white kitten with ice blue eyes.  With some coercion she came to me and the cuddles and looking after began.  She has come home and has been beside me ever since.  My stepmother said it was likely my father led her to me, as she was in distress and he wanted to give me a gift, especially on this day.  She has improved a great deal since last year this time, and so have I.  Yet, the confusion persists at times, is he really gone?  He doesn’t feel gone, he feels very close by.  He seems like he is only a whisper and a wish away.  I came across something he did one day, he took picture of the skin of one of the last remaining Caspian Tigers of Iran, and put it in a frame, signed it and gave it to dignitaries, friends and supporters.  He called it “The Last Caspian Tiger,” but upon reflection, I think it was he who was the last Caspian Tiger, and he died just before his 6oth birthday in January 2008.  He was an angel for the animals on this earth, he worked tirelessly for their survival with mankind, and he was the masterful guide of my life.  Now, I suspect he does the same work of saving the planet but on another level, from another plane of existence.  He was the last remaining Caspian Tiger, so how can such a powerful source of life and energy ever die? 

2009

It seems like it was just last year that we were all worried about Y2K.  Now its 2009 and so many things have happened.  The last year was intense, not just for me but for several of my close friends.  One of my best friends got breast cancer and had a mastectomy, and another went through two rounds of chemotherapy for leukemia.  I hope 2009 brings them better times and greater health.  We started off the New Year with someone I think is a decent man in the White House, yet with more violence in Gaza.  The world just sits back and watches it happen, nobody reacts, and nobody knows what to say or do anymore.  It’s not right, but yet it continues as we speak.   I believe there is a better way to deal with differences than violence, and we have learned that violence begets violence.  On of my personal heroes Mahatma Gandhi made the world listen when he protested silently.  With his protests he gained better rights for workers, assisted in the end of apartheid in South Africa and elevated the status of the untouchable cast in India.  One little vegetarian man did all of this with logic, and silent protests.  What could we all accomplish if we did the same?  The world sits back and waits for a savior instead of saving itself. 

Despite these things happening in the world, I had a great new year’s eve, because I have to celebrate the important days in order to make it through the other days with some dignity and grace.  A few close friends came over and we did some star gazing, and along with it had some warm, loving conversation, the sharing of hopes and dreams and it all made for some good memories.  I enjoyed every minute of it instead of worrying about the past.  It was a nice evening and I am still reveling in it, the New Year is sure to be a good one if I make it that way.  I have learned this year that all I can control in the world is my mind and my body. 

Journey to India and back

I haven't written in some time, but that's because so much has happened.  My father passed away, but this caused me to wake up to my life again.  Please don't give me condolences, but I would always appreciate commendations on having such an amazing father.  I will write more and post more about him in another post.  In this one, I want to tell you about where the experience took me, into a journey back into myself via India.  After realizing I was like the living dead, and I was not following my dreams, I decided to go back to India after 13 years of only dreaming about.  Since my father passed away I have found comfort and health in yoga, and I wanted to be immersed it in, so began planning this yoga teacher training/volunteer program over months ago.  You see, the last time I was in India was in 1995, and I met my father there after 8 years of not seeing each other due to unfortunate life circumstances.  He cried when he saw me in the airport in New Delhi and the hug we shared was warm and comforting.  It was during this trip that we got to know each other as people, not as father and daughter.  He gained respect for my wisdom and ideas, and I for his incredible work with Traffic and the World Wildlife Fund.  He was fighting the illegal animal poaching trade in India and had saved countless leopards and tigers from a cruel death.  He won an award from the government of India for making the largest bust of animal skins in the country.  You can read about his adventures in this commentary about a BBC film he was in called Tiger Crisis.  I am still trying to a get a copy of the documentary myself, but its no longer on the market, so if anyone can help me out please contact me. 

This is all linked to my father, but I wanted to discuss how the entire situation has manifested in my life – a journey to India, and how the trip has affected me.  I am a bit confused for one since coming home; after 5 weeks in India, I became used to being immersed in yoga, meditation and yogic philosophy at the ashram where I stayed, Yoga Vidya Dham.  I created a website for the program called Yoga 41 where you can see the photos.  The goal is to integrate these new experiences with the life I live, and not feel out of place here at home, which is how I have been feeling.  I got used to a certain schedule, food, people and environment.  A much simpler life, a tiny bed, simple vegetarian food, rugged surroundings, dust, dirt, surrounded by poverty.  Yet this life satisfied and purified me.  It is not the possessions that have made me happy in life, although some of those have helped.  It is the combination of a spiritual practice and the material world.  Can these two things coexist in harmony?  I have been able to maintain the vegetarian diet and will try to keep it up indefinitely, and this decision and dedication is an accomplishment for me, as it is something I have toyed with for years.  I struggle with emotional eating and food, so this is dually important.  I learned how to be a vegetarian correctly and now I feel really good about what I am eating and not eating.  I used to eat meat and hate myself for it, and my body would complain as well.  I don’t feel deprived, rather I feel free since I don’t rely on meat to fill me up anymore.  Yet there are many more things I need to incorporate into my life.  Can I have the peace of mind I had at the ashram, yet the luxurious life I own?  Can I keep up my practice of yoga and yet add the new things I have learned into it and share my knowledge with others? 

Krispy Kreme hits the Middle East

Tonight the city sleeps in a sweet glazed comatose.  Tonight I went to Krispy Kreme in Saudi Arabia for the first time.  There are two branches located in malls in the capital city.  The first one in the Middle East was in Kuwait, and now Saudi Arabia has jumped on the doughnut board.  I snapped a photo because I had to prove it to you, but most people don’t take kindly to public photos so it was taken quickly, and from a distance.   The place was swarming with black abayas and white thobes pointing to doughnut selections.  The abaya is the veils the women wear, and thobes, are the outfit that the men wear.  So there you have it, America in its purest, sweetest and least harmful format, other than raising cholesterol levels, has hit the Middle East. They could use a few of these in Baghdad; it might just ease the tensions.